Epiphany
by lysachan
Summary: Natalie's musings during yet another medical emergency. Femslash.


I've always wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people and make a difference which sounds extremely corny but is also true. And by being a part of the NIH's number one team I can do just that. Not that it's easy: the globe's full of gross bacteria and weird viruses which we have to face almost daily, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me sometimes. There're moments I truly question my choices in life, like being a doctor and not letting someone else with more experience do this job. What the hell was Stephen thinking when he hired me!

And at the moment I'm definitely questioning myself. Why do we bother with these deseases anyway? Clearly someone's trying to let us know that this planet is way over-populated. And what are we doing? We're desperately trying to stop natural selection from happening.

Not that stopping seems very likely in our current case. I've tested all the samples and compared the discovered virus with all the other viruses we have in our database. Search result: no matches. Nothing. I can't help glaring at an eerie enlargement of the bug on my computer screen. Well, fuck you too.

I lean back in my chair, closing my eyes and exhaling slowly. There's a soft knock on the door, and as I look up I'm greeted by the sweetest smile. No matter how pissed off I am, a happy smile quickly makes an appearance on my face as well. And the familiar tingling somewhere deep inside of me makes a comeback, once again.

"I though I'd bring some coffee. You've hardly stepped out of here today." Eva steps in and hands me a paper cup full of steaming hot coffee. I gratefully accept it and after taking a small sip I look up, surprised.

"Well someone's done her homework,"

"Hey, everybody knows you drink yours black," she shrugs but there's a faint smile playing on her lips. For a moment there she looks almost shy. "So, no luck yet, huh?" she continues after a while and points to the screen where red and blue worm-like objects can be seen slowly moving around. She takes a seat next to me, her eyes still on the colourful picture.

"No, nothing. I've tried everything. It's not even in our database," I sigh and take another sip from my cup.

"You'll figure it out." Her voice is so confident that I almost believe her myself. Finally I just shake my head and snort. "Oh c'mon Nat, you always do," she adds after seeing my disbelief. God, her smile could melt the Antarctic Continent.

"Let's hope so. I can't really afford to fail, Stephen's counting on me." I offer a weak smile in return.

"In case you haven't noticed you're not alone in this team." She rolls her eyes.

"I know that, I do. It's just, well, this can be a bit overwhelming at times. And sometimes I'm not so sure I'm the right person to do this. Too much is at stake, you know?" I can't believe I just admitted that.

"I think we all go through phase like that every now and then," she says, fiddling with her own coffee cup, now half empty.

"But I don't think I'm supposed to," I add quietly after realising she actually understands me. "I mean, I should be sure. I should feel like I'm the best one for this job. But instead I feel like there'd be dozens of fine doctors better than me."

"I pretty much doubt that. Just the fact that you sometimes question things makes you better than the rest of them." I must look shocked because she chuckles and shakes her head. "You're a great doctor Natalie, and you know it. Stephen wouldn't have chosen you otherwise. And at least you're a real doctor, I'm just a press liaison." She grimaces.

"Oh please, you're so much more than that. You've no idea." I smile. There's a brief silence. It's not one of those uncomfortable silences but a silence you're just happy to share with someone.

"I should probably leave you with that bug...thing." She gets up and tosses her empty coffee cup into a trash can. "Can't be that difficult though. Keeping this thing from the whole damn press, now that's difficult," she adds smiling and winks.

"Well, it's good we have the best press girl then." I can actually feel my cheeks changing colour to bright red. Even if she notices she doesn't say it.

"Damn right!" Her smile grows even wider. "Don't worry Nat, you'll figure it out," she adds confidently before opening the door.

"See you later Eva." I watch her turn around.

"Yes, you will." Her smile's lighting up the room once more before the door closes. I sit quietly for a minute. A smile still on my lips I return to my work.

Suddenly my life doesn't seem so bad after all.


End file.
